This is my first blog attempt since my second Ram Dass retreat in Maui wrapped last week. Some things need time to brew, to age, to cure. Faith, attachment and love were my themes this time. There were confronting, confusing and intimidating messages for me this time around. Faith was cemented and lines were drawn, no more camping out at the edge of the diving board.
My time since the spring retreat had been dedicated to one attachment after the other. A slow crawl towards the freedom I promised myself but always keeping a tether, always a safety net, always an excuse. The formal ‘teacher on stage’ teachings were not what cracked me open this time, it was behind the scenes. The ‘big maharaji’ was there, teaching us like he used to teach them back in India. There were tests before the retreat, the passing of my grandmother the week before was not just timely coincidence, nor was the flat tire on the rental car the day I left. There was magic too, unexplainable magic and synchronicity.
I thought we had a strong satsang going into this, but in there it exploded into an intense web of what can only be labelled love. I am unable to wrap my head around how the recipe came together, it was just one of those miracles. Collecting all those souls there at that one time, with such clear messages and treasures for those who took the time to look. So many messages in so many mirrors, like little looking ponds showing us our strengths and our flaws but most of all reflecting love.
Krishna Das talks on one of his podcasts about us seeking a certain sweetness. A sweetness that isn’t dependent on how the rest of the world is treating you. I think I’ve found it, and it wasn’t on the diving board.