Search

themuddylittlelotus

Tag

meditation

Mindful Online Dating Part 2: Lets be honest here…

You’re really going through with this aren’t you? Now you get the shameful experience of downloading a dating app, congratulations. Hot tip – I like to hide my app of choice in the ‘utilities folder’ of my device, so I don’t die a little inside each time I open my phone.

Selling yourself with dignity (jk)

In the last blog we talked about these apps making rejection easier to take because it’s initially not face to face. This is an advantage here, use it. The more honest and accurate you are in your profile, the less time you are going to waste with people that were drawn in by an embellished, filtered facade. Facades always crack and typically in the first five minutes. Do you really want to be that person who looked nothing like their photos? Pictures should be less than a year old, 18 months max and at least attempt to present your current hair colour and facial hair grooming situation. If you’re overweight or bald in real life and not in any of your photos you’re a piece of shit. Anyone superb enough to be reading this is clearly a catch so just be yourself *eye roll*. Keep in mind when curating this sales pitch that who you want to be, is likely not who you are in this moment. We all want growth and development, this keeps us moving forward, but perhaps presently in this incarnation the ‘gym junkie’ tag isn’t that accurate. Be wary of the types of fish you attract with certain lures. Is the person who prioritizes boobs or a six-pack the kind of person you want to date? If not, consider keeping your shirt on, no matter what glorious assets you have stashed away under there.

It’s not a game people

Giving your app to your friends after a few beverages is not kosher. There are people that take this seriously and hopefully you are one of them. That guy with the face tattoos may have thought he hit the jackpot when he matched with you, the crushing silence of your unanswered message may be enough to make him turn that hunting rifle from his profile photo on himself. Worst case scenario! Be conscious of how your actions here can impact on the receiving end. That is a real person on the other side, don’t forget that.

Don’t play nice

No pity dates. If you’re not into it and have no intention of meeting up, don’t waste each others time. Be clear and up front, and if you decide you just want to be friends and share first date horror stories make sure you are on the same page. With that volume there is no time for maybe. I personally think the system is broken, working only with someones photos, bio and messaging banter isn’t enough. Chemistry doesn’t come through on a phone so what we’re stuck with is a numbers game. Do they check basic boxes in terms of age, interests and basic physical requirements and can you exchange mild to moderately stimulating prose? If yes, you meet in person, breathe each other in and see if it adds up. The first date version of a person is likely not an authentic representation but be compassionate toward one another, try to thin out your own ego shell a little while not judging the thickness of theirs. Hair, clothes, muscles and makeup change fast, kind eyes and warm smiles tend to stick around.

TBC in part 3

 

Enlightenment is Expensive

 

Dress your ego in deities and sacred geometry,

How many malas can you pray with at once?

Maybe your outside can convince your inside,

now you buy crystals instead of diamonds

 

 

 

 

-Opening of my 2017 publication ‘Trading Diamonds for Crystals’

Time to Let Them Go

Even the most positive changes can be scary.  Scary for you, and also scary for those you bonded with over mutual flaws. Misery loves company.  Misery wants you to come out for a cigarette and a bitchy gossip session, maybe some negative self-talk while you are at it. Misery doesn’t like being left behind in a cycle of suffering while you sail off into the sunset.

When you take the plunge, quit the job you hated, start a regular positive habit, give up binge drinking, whatever it is, you are demonstrating strength, control and capture of your own potential. Bad habits are hard to break and comfort is hard to leave, particularly if anyone is pulling you back.  Seeing real, tangible changes in you is a direct threat to the story these people tell themselves.  Suddenly their excuses are not valid.  If you can do it, they can do it and that scares the shit out of them. There is a chance the girl you spent the past two years whining about your evil boss with at the reception desk will be less than amped up about your new lease on life.  On the other hand, you might light her fire and end up in the same yoga class in Costa Rica six months later!

When is it time to pull back from someone? Any resistance to positive changes or inability to ‘be happy for you’ should be a red flag.  If your happiness causes distress, irritation, jealousy or sadness in anyone around you that can truly stunt your growth.  Wistful desire for ‘the old you’  or constant recollections from a past you are no longer proud of and no longer represents you is disabling. Anyone who dwells solely and stubbornly in your past is unlikely to contribute positively to your future.

Friendships come and go, so do romantic relationships and sometimes family bonds. You can lead by example but you cant hold hands that do not want to be held. If you let them go the right ones will always come back to you as the old saying goes. For you though, there is now potential to supercharge your life by infusing it with people who set the bar higher.  Something happens when you take control and change.  Your vibration changes, your frequency changes and you start to attract and lock in with people existing on those planes. That stagnant, toxic space and the people that are happy to stay there are no longer yours or for you.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of a Ten Day Vipassana Course Squished into a Five Minute Blog

Entry Day

“So how did you end up in here?”

The registration room sounds like a scene from Orange is the New Black, more divorces and less violent crime though.

Day 1

No mantras, no metta, no visuals, no guru, no chanting, no yoga. Just the air passing over my nostrils and upper lip, okay.

Day 2

Why is that woman picking all the almonds out of the muesli, and what kind of sociopath washes dishes like that?!

Day 3

We haven’t even started the Vipassana part yet? Fuck.

Day 4

This isn’t meditation. Meditation is bliss and vibrations and warmth and love. This is torture and I hate everyone who encouraged me to do this.

Day 5

The giggles.

Day 6

Why was the gong going off all night and who was cooking bacon outside my window?

Day 7

This is definitely not for me… but I got this far, and you cant go home on day 7. Can you?

Day 8

Alert! There is LSD in the fruit salad, warn the others! I repeat, there is LSD in the fruit salad.

Day 9

Every flower and fruit and seed is just a lesson in impermanence… *stares at tree for 45 minutes*

Day 10

Now that noble silence is lifted and the LSD effect has worn off, get me the fuck out of here.

I am however, comforted to hear I wasn’t the only one having bacon hallucinations.

Departure Day

I wonder if I can find a massage place that will let me drink lattes through a straw in the face-hole of the massage bed…

Pre-Vipassana Terror

In four hours I am entering into my first ten day Vipassana meditation and the panic has begun!

I don’t like being uncomfortable. I hate cardio, I hate itchy sweaters and wherever I am is either too warm or too cold. I know I have plenty of work to do in the self-discipline/willpower/mental stamina department. If I have any opportunity to escape even mild inconvenience or irritance I will do so without hesitation! ‘Toughing it out’ is not my thing.
So what possessed me to sign up for ten days of silent meditation in the middle of winter in the frigid Blue Mountains of Australia? Up at four each morning, nine hours of sitting meditation per day, no reading, no writing, no technology, no eye contact and a conservative vegetarian diet. The website even refers to the quarters as ‘meditation cells’ not sure what kind of PR person approved that phrasing for the website…
Vipassana is also called ‘insight meditation’. I want to be challenged physically, mentally and forced inward to take a good, hard look at all that vile shit I have spent my entire life trying to repress and veneer. Hopefully chip away at that nice thick ego facade a little more. I am not surprised this processing has started even now, I am already questioning myself, criticising myself. Am I doing this just for my gross ‘spiritual resume’? Am I trying to avoid the reality of my new life (I should maybe mention I left my stable well-paid corporate gig last week and put all my possessions in storage yesterday, that is a whole other blog though).
I can be particularly unbearable when I haven’t had coffee or when I am hungry and cannot imagine how I will even get out of bed at 4am without the promise of a latte.
I will be cut off from every person I know for ten full days. I am spoiled to have relationships with the most beautiful people in this incarnation that anyone could ever ask for and not being able to reach out to them may be my biggest battle of all. That or the coffee…

Details for the centre I am attending can be found at http://www.bhumi.dhamma.org/

Marijuana and the Path

There are a few litmus tests I like to experiment with when trying to gage another person. The most crucial is how they react to my dog. Anyone who doesn’t melt into a subservient baby talking tummy-rubber after locking eyes with him is clearly a sociopath.
My other reaction test is marijuana.
This will not be a legalisation/failed war on drugs rant, the internet doesn’t need another one of those. Weed however has an image problem here in Australia, it needs a serious PR overhaul. There is a large subset of the population here that use marijuana heavily, and perhaps via causation but likely just by correlation many have achieved little in the way of personal development or made positive contributions to society at large. The associations with alcohol, tobacco, other drugs of dependence, gambling and low socioeconomic status abound, but to the average Australian Middle-class observer it’s the pot that’s the problem.
The ones I genuinely worry about are the smart, educated professionals that still turn their noses up at marijuana. How you can berate an emotionally stable, compassionate and traditionally ‘successful’ adult for something that contributes to their well-being is puzzling to me. I rarely tell this story but weed was the catalyst to every facet of my life changing for the better in my late 20’s. It led to the more intensive yoga practice and to the change in diet to organic and free-range. It inspired me to leave the big city, move to a place I could grow my own vegetables. It got me into sensory deprivation tanks, which prepared me for my first experiments with psylocibin, it goes on, all the way to this blog really. I only use once or twice a month now, as I find I get similar experiences in other ways but undoubtedly through doors that never would have opened without it.
Most things we enjoy have potential to be destructive and addictive, no exception here. Chronic use by those with psychological conditions or in young, developing brains is undoubtedly asking for trouble. Lets hope though that education, research and the strong clear voices of responsible users will soon be heard above the frantic but fading reefer-madness propaganda.

Coming down from the Ram Dass retreat

I didn’t know what to do after the retreat.
Watching little rays of unconditional love get carted away on shuttles that last day was sadness defined. Scanning the airport in a slightly desperate fashion for a familiar face or that blue lanyard.
There are no mala beads on this aeroplane.
How much of this do I get to take home? Where is my post-retreat glow? Did I fail, because I feel like shit?! I have attached myself to the retreat now, attachment is one of my ‘tails’ that Roshi Joan was talking about. I am not off to a good start.
I feel like our satsang is real but is it like leaving a job, proclaiming you will stay in touch but never do? I reactivated my Facebook account trying to reinforce the bonds, clinging…clinging. At least I am being mindful of my clinging, Jack Kornfield would be proud. Facebook gave me two options when I signed back on ‘continue’ or ‘not you?’ great question Zuckerberg. How long will it take to explain to my ex mother-in-law about the Indian man in the blanket? Fuck.
It’s about integration though right? We can’t delete our lives and start again, we need to sculpt and re-work the old one into something worthy of us. Throwing out some comfortable old poison looks inevitable now though.
In Be Here Now, RD describes how those at Harvard taking the Psylocin all began sitting together at lunch, forming a ‘cult’. Who am I going to sit with when I get home? I don’t want to hear about reality TV, or your stupid job you hate or even worse, how much money you make at your stupid job that you hate. Love them unconditionally? I don’t know about everyone else, but my day-to-day interactions are generally not with blossoming retreat lotuses, they more closely resemble Duncan’s “forest of cunts”. What you see in those around you are simply reflections of yourself though aren’t they?
Right now Bali sounds good, or Peru or India if I can muster the courage. Can I go back to Maui or is that cheating? How do I tell if I am legitimately searching or just running away?
Always more questions than answers.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑